Content/Trigger warning: references to disordered eating, depression, anxiety, burn-out
I am back. Now it’s time to explain why I left.
Truthfully, my hiatus came out of nowhere. I intended to take a few days off in May and June to attend YALLWEST and BookCon but I didn’t expect to stop blogging all summer. It just happened. Or rather, I just disappeared to cope with some personal problems and by the time I handled them enough, it was already the end of July.
Yet… it is one of the best things that happened to me.
I was burn out. My last vacation was over a year ago when I spent two weeks visiting my sister and friends up North. Since then, I worked two part-time jobs while taking 4 to 5 classes per semester. I barely slept. I didn’t eat well (or often.) I withdrew from most of my friendships and lost contact with my support system. My health deteriorated due to my poor choices, which only made it that much harder for me to get through my daily responsibilities.
I gave so much of myself and did not replenish my energy at a pace that matched how much I poured out. Every time I took time to rest, I felt guilty. There was so much to do. Why wasn’t I working on that? I should be getting ahead before I fell behind. I had a hard time reading without this little nagging voice ruining the experience. Sometimes I could shut it by devouring book after book, but that only made me fall behind on other parts of my life. This, then, made me more anxious.
By the time May hit, I was so done. I was exhausted. The only thing I had to look forward to YALLWEST. It was a fun– and much needed– experience. I’m incredibly grateful that I found a way to make that trip happen. The only downside is that when I came back home, I felt empty. I realized that I was not living my best life.
Over the summer, I was not taking any classes and I only worked one job but still, I was dissatisfied. I wasn’t where I thought I’d be by this point in my life, especially nearing graduation. The sensible thing to do was to adjust my plan, practice self-care, and make due to my situation. Unfortunately, my depression and anxiety were louder. All I could think about was how I’d let myself get here.
I’m incredibly grateful for the amazing friends in my life who checked in on me during this time. Even if I wasn’t feeling better, it meant so much to know that they cared and that they understood that I was going through something. It is thanks to their support that I was able to spend most of the summer recovering and resting.
I read, went shopping, built new bookshelves, burnt candles, had a massage, threaded my eyebrows, redecorated my room, restarted my bullet journal, got a new pair of glasses, and played lots of solitaire. I also reconnected with some of my favorite activities such as watching K-dramas, practicing yoga, reading manga, and volunteering. While I’m still have healing to do from my burnout, I’m doing much better.
That is why I wanted to announce a few updates:
- I’ll be back to posting regularly next Tuesday. I managed to do a lot of reading over my hiatus so there is much fangirling I need to make up for!
- I will also be adding Hauls and Wrap-Ups for April, May, June, and July. I’ve decided not to do TBRs for May-July. I want to share a lot of the amazing titles I discovered or rediscovered, even if it’s a bit late.
- I will be posting about my YALLWEST experience. There’s a lot of pictures that have gone unshared till now :3
- My “Most Anticipated Releases of 2019 Part 2!” will be coming up soon.
- Reminder that I am regularly active on Twitter and– to a lesser extent– Instagram. Feel free to follow me there!
- I am participating in Netgalley’s #Reviewathon! Expect lots of reviews!
Thank you all for reading! This community means a lot to me. Shout out to whoever read all of this ❤